August 7, 2009: Hide Your Shame!
Well, it’s been yet another milestone-achieving week at Let’s Panic headquarters. Dr. Kennedy has finally achieved complete spiritual transcendence, thanks to her daily 4 a.m. nude-yoga habit. Also, she got rid of that fungal thing! It was just from the carpet. (A yoga mat, it turns out, isn’t a waste of money.) (Not to mention antibacterial wipes.)
Dr. Bradley wanted to announce something as well, but apparently all this talk of “spiritual transcendence” has made her own good news look sort of paltry, so she’ll keep a lid on it until next week. In response, Dr. Kennedy murmured something in Sanskrit and wafted toward the ceiling.
Dr. Bradley is wondering how much longer she’s going to keep this up.
At any rate, this week’s new features are, as ever, the most important pregnancy- and motherhood-related works ever in the history of anything. First off, we have What Are They Thinking?,an investigation into the hearts and minds of a pregnant woman’s circle of peers. When they hear the news of the burgeoning life within her, are they turned on? Disgusted? Both? Now you will know.
AND we’ve got Camouflaging Your Post-Partum Figure, which is pretty much what it sounds like. We know you want to celebrate the glorious workings of the body that brought life forth into the world, blar de blar, but you don’t have to do it in hot pants and a tube top because no one needs to see that. And if you’re already filled with the appropriate amount of shame regarding leaving your home in your current state, we’ll give you some tips and tricks that will help cover every unsightly inch of you. Let fashion weave its magical web of lies, with our help!
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