August 14, 2009: Get To Know Your Vagina

Posted by Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy on Aug 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm in Uncategorized

We’ve had a very visual week here at Let’s Panic HQ. We know that not everyone likes to or is capable of reading the astoundingly free educational advice we churn out week after week, so we decided to use some pretty pictures to teach you poor, ignorant wretches about your own bodies. It’s because we care. Sort of. We’d care more if we got paid, frankly.

First off, for those of you who have no idea what’s about to explode from your Lady Parts, we’ve invented a customizable birth plan just for you. No, really, you’re welcome. Just fill in blanks with the appropriate part of speech — you do know what an adverb is, don’t you? — hand it to your state sanctioned birth expert, and then sit back, relax, and push that baby right out of your vagina without another thought. Everything’s taken care of! Because we’re also certified legal experts, too, did you know that? Giving away all this expert advice for free. We certainly are generous.

Secondly, we really think it’s time you faced what your Lady Parts actually look like/are going to look like once a poor, helpless baby is forced through there. It’s not pretty. Except, of course, when it is! We embrace the noble contradictions inherent in the bringing of life and we demand that you embrace them, too. So make yourself a nice cup of tea, get out your smelling salts, and TAKE A GOOD, HARD LOOK.

Until next week, freeloaders!

Leave a comment

You can use these tags for formatting and linking your comment:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>