Archive for May 2010

May 27, 2010: This Time, It’s for Keeps

Posted by Alice on May 27, 2010 at 3:33 pm in Uncategorized

Dear Let’s Panic readers, devotees, and ex-lovers:

Hey, remember when we updated this site regularly? Remember how you looked forward to our informative, in-depth, cutting-edge, science-approved parenting advice and information? And then we halted updates for forever and you thought your world was coming to an end? REMEMBER?

All we can say now is: whoops!

You see, friends, it seems that two mortals, even ones as high-achieving and spectacularly organized as ourselves, cannot simultaneously 1) perform their various professional obligations 2) keep their families clothed, fed, and content 3) write an entire goddamn book, with illustrations and everything, 4) maintain their tenuous grasp on reality, and 92) update this website. Something had to go. We tried not clothing the family, but then the school authorities called and there was something about how dress codes, and kids can’t wear bathmats to school; then the police called with all kinds of questions about why our husbands were wearing bathmats, and we were left wondering how things had become so out of control, and also why weren’t our husbands appropriately dressed—are they not adults who clothe themselves? So many questions! It made our heads spin!

So. We converged on Skype to discuss what to do, but all we heard was GALOBLOBLOB, like each of was impersonating a turkey. Which we were not! So we resorted to instant-messaging, and then this happened:

alice: how can we update the site until this book is done? Ideas?
eden: dunno
eden: whatevs, yo
eden: :—0
alice: maybe if we each sleep two fewer hours a night
alice: which brings me down to 3 hours a night
alice: ouch
eden: I ain’t losing no beauty sleep for no WORLDWIDEWEBZ
alice: but wait, maybe if I cut down on my four-hour afternoon catnap
alice: wait, what?
eden: LOL
alice: be serious
alice: we have a devoted audience
eden: what have they done for me late-ly?! :–))
alice: they depend on us
eden: I’m Janet Jackson!
alice: hey
eden: hahahahaaHA
alice: are you drunk again?

eden: MISS JACKSON IF YOU’RE NASTY
alice: eden, it’s 11 am
alice: what are you
eden: gotta go, my bathmat’s chafing me
alice: huh?
eden has signed off

It was obvious the pressure was getting to Eden, or else her son has commandeered her laptop. Either way, there was clearly trouble brewing. Thus, Alice executively decided to cease all updates to the site until such time as the two authors could create quality content not marred by drug involvement or white-collar crime.

The good news is, we’re back! The book is done, our editor reports that she is “not wholly displeased, but—“, which sounds great!, and now that the weather’s warmer, we don’t need to dress our children in all those time-consuming layers. Which is why we will be updating the site with brand-new content next week, and we will begin Twittering again, almost immediately. No, wait, now! We’ve already done it. And again, now!….now!

So, in conclusion: welcome back. You missed us.