July 20, 2010: Continuing Our Summer of Blame
What does blaming your mom have to do with parenting? It’s all about HEALING, friends. And you can’t heal until you’ve identified the wound, which in this case is a psychic wound, and also your MOM did it.
Stop telling us you have such a great relationship with your mom. You’re in denial!
By not appropriately fretting over each and every tiny detail of your gestation, your mother has ruined your dreams of becoming a figure skater. Or she made it so you had terrible acne in eighth grade, when no one would invite you to the junior-high dance. Don’t ask us specifically how her actions led to these cataclysmic events. They just did! Shut up!
Read our scientific table for more overly specific examples of ways your mom could have messed with your future.
My favorite part of that highly accurate chart is the little reference to Inception. I think brain espionage will soon be understood to be the cause of many heretofore falsely diagnosed problems.
posted July 20th, 2010 at 2:51 pm