Author Archive
DECEMBER 10, 2010 A Little Pineapple for What Ails You
Pregnant women, we’ve been told, don’t want to laugh at themselves. So we developed Let’s Panic About Babies! to fulfill a pregnant woman’s need to not laugh at herself, but at other pregnant women. Stretch marks! Varicose veins! Mysterious discomfort! Hilarious when they’re happening to anyone but you. This week, we take a hard-hitting look at the terrible misfortunes that accompany the most delicate condition of baby-having-itude and we combat them with cold, hard facts. That we made up.
Laughter has been scientifically proven to be the Best Medicine, so why not ask your doctor for a prescription for our forthcoming book? The side-effects are minimal, and it will take your mind off all the weird, uncomfortable, possibly pineapple-related things that are afflicting you right now.
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NOVEMBER 6, 2010: IN WHICH WE DEFEND YOUR RIGHT TO PROCREATE
Some people might think more mature ladies, or “cougars,” as they’re known in popular parlance (right? We’re really not “with it” on the latest vernacular) (“vernacular” is another word for slang”) (“slang” means “street talk”)…what were we talking about, again?
Sorry. Some people think older women shouldn’t have babies! That was our point. And we think those people are probably just jealous, or whatever. As long as you’re healthy and your doctor gives you the go-ahead, well, you can tell those people to cram it.
Look. In some parts of the country, you’re seen as weird if you don’t have a baby before you turn 25. In other parts, you’re an oddity if you have a baby before you’re 30. In still other parts, you’re run out of town for telling folks you don’t want to have a baby at all. And we won’t even get into what happens in other parts of the world. We’ve only heard rumors.
We’re here to tell you that you can have a baby whenever you like, however you like, in whatever part of your house you like. (Don’t forget to put a tarp down, though, if you choose the formal settee.) Are there more risks, having a baby just as you’re in the first flush of perimenopause? You betcha. We’ve outlined those risks for you, because we love you. Now hurry up and read, before you forget!
SEPTEMBER 17, 2010: IT SEEMS WE WENT AWAY FOR A WHILE THERE
The summer, as you may know, is a strange and exhausting time of year. It is hot, for one, and depending on where you are in the world, it may also be humid. If you live in a city, everything smells bad. While some people spend those last awful weeks of summer cavorting on beaches and/or playing racquet-based sports, the Let’s Panic authors prefer to lounge in the air-conditioning and/or shade and beg our spouses to find us iced drinks. One thing you will rarely find us doing is “writing,” or engaging in similar sweat-producing activities. (You don’t sweat while you write, you say? Then you are clearly not doing it right.)
Fortunately for you, the summer is now over, and we couldn’t be more raring to go. This week we’re talking about pregnant women and how everyone needs to tell them what to do because otherwise who knows what shenanigans they might get up to. Go over there and read what we have to say. Go! There! Then let us know if we missed any points. We didn’t, of course, because we are unfailingly thorough. But if you want some attention, you can write to us. We think you’re cute.