November 7, 2009, It’s Time to Stop Yelling!

Recently, The New York Times ran an article claiming that shouting is the new spanking. Here at Let’s Panic About Babies!, we believe that passive-aggressive acting out toward your child is the new spanking, and we’re here to teach you how to get your message across, whatever that message may be. Baby needs to learn that it’s not all about her! Mommy and daddy have needs, too.

Now go fix mommy a drink.

1 comment

July 31, 2009: Let’s Panic About Being a Needy Writing Partner

Apparently my absence last week was deeply felt. Dr. Bradley seems to think that while I’m off at an important gathering of Internet Millionaires she can just sit around and complain about all the work she has to do without me holding her damp hand and making her special lumbago tea. Honestly, she knows I’ll make it up to her, which I did this week by constructing a fascinating new article about controlling your baby with the ancient science of Voodoo. Did I say controlling? Silly me! I meant bonding, BONDING with your baby safely and harmlessly. Using black magic.

When Alice finally stopped pouting about me going away FOR THE WEEKEND — it was just THREE DAYS, my god — when she finally stopped punishing me with the silent treatment, we were able to join forces merrily, as is our way, to churn out another brilliant advice column. Where does your uterus go when you’re not looking? Look no further, for we are the only ones who will tell you the bizarre, unholy truth. Because scaring the crap out of people is how we have our fun.

Be sure to visit Let’s Panic! every day. We only update it once or twice a week, but we need the hits to bolster our self-worth.

5 comments