'Latest News' Archive
November 12, 2010: BUY OUR BOOK OR WE’LL CRY
No, of course we won’t cry if you don’t buy our book. We’ve already shed our tears — tears of gratitude for being chosen to channel the ancient, divine wisdom contained in Let’s Panic About Babies! All we’re offering you now is the opportunity to confer your acceptance of the truth contained in this slim volume by transferring a small amount of money from your bank account to ours. Is that too much to ask? We don’t think so. So go here for a preview of the knowledge to come, including a sample from our wonderful illustrator, Oslo Davis.
We thank you for your time and consideration.
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SEPTEMBER 24, 2010: DON’T BE AFRAID OF A LITTLE SOAP AND WATER
We know you’re busy, we know. It’s hard to find the time or even the motivation to get your hair cut when you spend most of your day picking oatmeal out of it. But before you slide any further down the slippery slope of Mt. Sexy, we’d like you to take a look at our latest post, The Beauty Secrets of Famous Moms. Sure, those celebrimoms may have an army of stylists at their disposal, but don’t despair at your lack of millions, or the fact that your husband or partner rolls away from you at night to spoon with the dog. There are so many simple lessons to be learned from the rich and beautiful among us! What’s Gwyneth’s beauty secret? “It’s all about choices. I choose to make time for a full loofah scrub-down and Swedish massage every morning,” pouts Paltrow, “but you could maybe take a washcloth to those armpits once a week.” Seriously. Phew.
July 9, 2010: THAT LONG WEEK BETWEEN INDEPENDENCE AND BASTILLE DAYS
It’s hot, and we’re in the mood to blame people for things. Fortunately we heard from a reader this week, who detailed for us all the ways in which her mom’s gestational habits screwed her up. Which got us thinking: how did our mothers ruin our lives? Probably in more ways than we could count. We probably would have gone to real-doctor school, if they had laid off the gin in that last trimester.
Of course it’s unproductive to blame our mothers for what they may or may not have smoked while we were helplessly floating in their poisoned amniotic fluids, but summer’s all about being unproductive, are we right? So next week we’ll take an in-depth look at how your mother’s pre-parental misbehavior has forever altered the course of your life. We would have done it this week, but we were too busy sweating. Anyway, we need to read some stuff, and also talk to your moms. Which is more difficult than you’d think. What’s up with the all-caps emails, ladies? And why are you faxing your replies?
Until then, read this young lady’s sad tale, and weep. Not too much, though–you don’t want to dehydrate yourself.