'News' Archive
July 29, 2010, AND SOME WISDOM FROM GENERATIONS PAST
This week we are pleased to introduce a guest columnist, Mrs. Robert G. Wrightson. We found Mrs. Wrightson, 99, gathering dust in a mid-level Kansas City nursing home. Her loving family may or may not have abandoned her, we’re not actually sure what the story is there. However it happened, her folksy wisdom might have been lost forever had we not cleared the cobwebs from between her ears and siphoned out the vast experience in marriage and child-rearing she had gathered over the past century. Mrs. Wrightson outlived four husbands and was the mother of three strapping boys and twin girls who grew up to be successful atheists. Mrs. Wrightson never regretted the fact that her children never met their father(s), even though they were all pediatricians and might have helped the children avoid rickets.
Click here to marvel at Mrs. Wrightson’s timeless — and timely! — advice.
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July 9, 2010: THAT LONG WEEK BETWEEN INDEPENDENCE AND BASTILLE DAYS
It’s hot, and we’re in the mood to blame people for things. Fortunately we heard from a reader this week, who detailed for us all the ways in which her mom’s gestational habits screwed her up. Which got us thinking: how did our mothers ruin our lives? Probably in more ways than we could count. We probably would have gone to real-doctor school, if they had laid off the gin in that last trimester.
Of course it’s unproductive to blame our mothers for what they may or may not have smoked while we were helplessly floating in their poisoned amniotic fluids, but summer’s all about being unproductive, are we right? So next week we’ll take an in-depth look at how your mother’s pre-parental misbehavior has forever altered the course of your life. We would have done it this week, but we were too busy sweating. Anyway, we need to read some stuff, and also talk to your moms. Which is more difficult than you’d think. What’s up with the all-caps emails, ladies? And why are you faxing your replies?
Until then, read this young lady’s sad tale, and weep. Not too much, though–you don’t want to dehydrate yourself.
October 26, 2009 Best Halloween Strategies
You’re still trying to decide between the sexy witch costume and the sexy vampire nurse costume, aren’t you? Or is it just that you’re hoping to make it through Halloween weekend without anyone noticing the fun-size candy bar wrappers overflowing from your purse?
What we’re really hoping is that this year you’ll make an effort. Pregnant women’s costume choices range from spooky (pregnant witch) to serious (pregnant vampire nurse), but it’s the women with viable, ambulatory children who we address in this week’s post with our intellectually superior Halloween costume guide.
But we haven’t forgotten our pregnant friends! We have a nice visualization for you up on the front page. Light a candle, take some deep breaths, and try to remember what it’s like not being a bloated, hormonal mess.