'Uncategorized' Archive

November 17, 2011: Let’s Panic and Clorox, part 2

Posted by Alice on Nov 17, 2011 at 5:48 pm in Uncategorized

This week we’ve got another Clorox-sponsored post for you, and it’s so very clean! Funny but also clean! SO CLEAN YOU GUYS.

Sorry, we’ve been breathing in some fumes. We won’t say which kind. (Hint: the clean kind.)

While we (literally) take a breather, why not sit back and enjoy our new post, which comes with video #2 with Bethenny Frankel? She was lovely company, but not once were we offered one of her famous cocktail mixes. So what if it was 11 am, Bethenny? So what?

January 17, 2011: BOOOoooOOOOOoooo!

Posted by Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy on Jan 17, 2011 at 11:42 am in Uncategorized

You guys are not going to believe this, because you have a firm grasp on reality, but we received a ghost-submission last night! Alice was awakened in her bed-chamber by an overpowering funk of rotting magnolia blossoms, and when she pulled back the bed-curtains, she beheld none other than the ghost of Edwina Williams, Tennessee Williams’ mother. Of course she didn’t know who Edwina Williams was, which didn’t really start their relationship on the best footing. Edwina was quite put out and spent a lot of time boo-hooing into her spectral hands and stomping her spectral feet until Alice made up a story about needing her glasses to properly identify a ghost she would otherwise know in a moment. When she doesn’t even wear glasses! That’s how you humor a ghost, friends!

At any rate, once the apparition was appeased, she informed Alice that the Let’s Panic email inbox would be visited by a document that must be published, or else. “Or else what?” Alice inquired, but Edwina was too busy rattling her chains and rouging her incorporeal cheeks to reply. “It’s an excerpt from my new boooooOooooOOOOooook!” she wailed, before disappearing in a puff of smoke/talcum powder.

So here, without further ado, isĀ  Why Borderline Hysteric Southern Mothers are Superior. Her title, not ours!

NOVEMBER 6, 2010: IN WHICH WE DEFEND YOUR RIGHT TO PROCREATE

Some people might think more mature ladies, or “cougars,” as they’re known in popular parlance (right? We’re really not “with it” on the latest vernacular) (“vernacular” is another word for slang”) (“slang” means “street talk”)…what were we talking about, again?

Sorry. Some people think older women shouldn’t have babies! That was our point. And we think those people are probably just jealous, or whatever. As long as you’re healthy and your doctor gives you the go-ahead, well, you can tell those people to cram it.

Look. In some parts of the country, you’re seen as weird if you don’t have a baby before you turn 25. In other parts, you’re an oddity if you have a baby before you’re 30. In still other parts, you’re run out of town for telling folks you don’t want to have a baby at all. And we won’t even get into what happens in other parts of the world. We’ve only heard rumors.

We’re here to tell you that you can have a baby whenever you like, however you like, in whatever part of your house you like. (Don’t forget to put a tarp down, though, if you choose the formal settee.) Are there more risks, having a baby just as you’re in the first flush of perimenopause? You betcha. We’ve outlined those risks for you, because we love you. Now hurry up and read, before you forget!