'Uncategorized' Archive
SEPTEMBER 17, 2010: IT SEEMS WE WENT AWAY FOR A WHILE THERE
The summer, as you may know, is a strange and exhausting time of year. It is hot, for one, and depending on where you are in the world, it may also be humid. If you live in a city, everything smells bad. While some people spend those last awful weeks of summer cavorting on beaches and/or playing racquet-based sports, the Let’s Panic authors prefer to lounge in the air-conditioning and/or shade and beg our spouses to find us iced drinks. One thing you will rarely find us doing is “writing,” or engaging in similar sweat-producing activities. (You don’t sweat while you write, you say? Then you are clearly not doing it right.)
Fortunately for you, the summer is now over, and we couldn’t be more raring to go. This week we’re talking about pregnant women and how everyone needs to tell them what to do because otherwise who knows what shenanigans they might get up to. Go over there and read what we have to say. Go! There! Then let us know if we missed any points. We didn’t, of course, because we are unfailingly thorough. But if you want some attention, you can write to us. We think you’re cute.
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July 20, 2010: Continuing Our Summer of Blame
What does blaming your mom have to do with parenting? It’s all about HEALING, friends. And you can’t heal until you’ve identified the wound, which in this case is a psychic wound, and also your MOM did it.
Stop telling us you have such a great relationship with your mom. You’re in denial!
By not appropriately fretting over each and every tiny detail of your gestation, your mother has ruined your dreams of becoming a figure skater. Or she made it so you had terrible acne in eighth grade, when no one would invite you to the junior-high dance. Don’t ask us specifically how her actions led to these cataclysmic events. They just did! Shut up!
Read our scientific table for more overly specific examples of ways your mom could have messed with your future.
JULY 4, 2010, IN WHICH WE GLIMPSE BIRTH IN UN-AMERICAN COUNTRIES
Did you know that women in countries that are not America also have babies? We’ve never actually seen it happen, but news reports confirm that babies and, indeed, people are congregating all over the planet and living strange, foreign lives we can barely imagine! So on this most patriotic of American holidays, we invite you to put down your barbecue tongs and your weak, domestic beer and take a moment to consider what it’s like for foreigners to give birth to non-American children!