Your Post-Childbirth Vagina: Get To Know It!

We know it’s hard to imagine what’s happened to your vagina and its environs as a result of all those hours of feverish birthing. All that stretching and tearing and stitching. Will you ever be pretty again, down there? Will you ever be able to feature your vagina in your annual Christmas portrait?

If you’re brave, you’ve already gotten out the hand mirror and taken a gander at your ravaged she-parts. But if you haven’t, we have a pretty good idea of what’s happened down there. Of course if we showed you an actual image of your ruined female genitalia, you would claw off your face and the Internet would explode and society as we know it would disintegrate. Also we’d all become cannibals. So, instead, we have a visual metaphor for you. Which is this. That image, right on the next line:

Nuremberg Vagina!

Wow, right? We know. It won’t be that way for ever, though, so don’t worry. Even if you suffered third-degree tears and endless stretching because of your baby’s oversized misshapen noggin, there’s still some hope. Eventually, with time, patience, intimate exercises, liberal applications of Vitamin E oil, twice-daily sex, alternating heat and ice packs, and perhaps a smidgen of plastic surgery, even the shreddiest of vaginal areas will become tidy and efficient once again. This doesn’t look so bad, does it?

Post-recovery vagina!

If you were forced into a c-section (or scheduled one because your convenience and comfort is more important than your child coming out the natural God-given way) you may celebrate the fact that your vagina looks like this:

perfect vagina!

Well, Little Miss Abdominal Staples. Aren’t you precious.

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