Baby’s Here! Your Life is Over

This baby looks like Patrick Stewart. Am I right?Congratulations! You have a baby. Whether your labor was mind-blowingly painful or merely agonizing—or you were smart enough to convince someone else to have the baby for you—you are now, officially, a mother.

We know what you’re thinking. Crap.

Well, you have a baby now, and you’ll have to take care of it for the next few months at least, so why not make the best of it—turn baby lemons into a teensy glass of lemonade, if you will? Let’s look at some of the good things about having a baby. There are more than you think!

Having a baby will:

  1. Bond you to your partner for life, whether or not he likes it
  2. Win you the approval of the far right
  3. Allow you to start one of those “mommy blogs” everyone’s been talking about
  4. Give you an excuse to expose your nipples in public
  5. Allow you to catch up on all those episodes of Sesame Street you’ve missed (My, how gracefully Maria has aged!)
  6. Exercise your arms from hours of vigorous stroller-pushing and baby-rocking
  7. Provide you with someone to blame for all those thwarted ambitions (see above, re: hatbox)

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