If you’re a good mom, you’ll instantly recognize each tiny nuance of your baby’s cries. Because your baby is successfully communicating his needs, he won’t grow up to torture small animals. Good for you!

Are you interpreting Baby correctly? Match the message to the cry!

1. “I’m hungry!”
2. “My pants are heavy with fecal matter!”
3. “I am filled with existential despair!”
4. “Why did you make me wear this ridiculous onesie!”
5. “I delight in keeping you awake all night!”
6. “You’d think I was the first person to ever have a cold!”

a. Soft whine slowly escalating into lusty wail
b. Sharp, piercing cry
c. Ascending and descending shrieks
d. Hiccupping sob
e. Barely perceptible moan
f. Hyena-like shriek

Answers: 1.b; 2.d; 3.c; 4.e; 5.a; 6.f. Obviously.