Most pediatricians fall into one of two categories: the attachment-parenting advocate, and the attachment-loathing automaton. Whichever one you choose depends on how much you love your baby. Not that we’re judging.
We have dubbed these types:

Dr. Huggs
M.D., Naropa University
Characteristics:
- Gently bearded
- Kind and folksy, unless you admit to not co-sleeping
- Advocates nursing until college
- Thinks sunshine works better than antibiotics
- Writes prescription for “Mom ‘n’ Dad cuddles”
- Talks to your child in rhymed couplets
- The idea of vaccination makes him cry

Dr. Needles
M.D/PhD., University of Klaekenfurt, Austria
Characteristics:
- Orders daily Lysol rubdown for baby
- Thinks food allergies are a ploy for attention
- Gives your child “supplemental” vaccines she found in her great-grandfather’s valise
- Advocates time-outs for newborns
- Believes that thumb-sucking leads to sodomite behavior
