Your Baby’s First Month: You Thought He’d Be Cuter

At long last, your baby is finally here! Unfortunately, he looks like this:


Not to worry: once the trauma of birth fades and the swelling goes down, he’ll be his own, definitively un-Borgnine-ish self.

What’s that baby up to?

During the first month, your baby should be doing the following. Not necessarily all at once.

  • Sleeping
  • Peeing
  • Spewing a viscous poop-sludge from his hindquarters

Baby  may also be:

  • Smiling ironically
  • Wishing someone would make him a sandwich
  • Giving you the finger guns

If you’re lucky, baby is:

  • Secretly composing her first symphony

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