What Kind of New Mother Stereotype Are You?

Now that you’ve identified your baby, it’s time to pigeonhole yourself. Whether or not you see yourself as a type, the rest of us will. So pick the type that matches most closely your complex, multifaceted being, and embrace your new streamlined persona!

These women have accepted their shortcomings. Why can’t you?

Can-do mom

Motto: Who needs sleep?
Characteristics: Alarmingly cheerful, ruddy-cheeked, usually wears overalls.
Can be found: Crocheting thank-you gifts for OB/GYN’s office staff while nursing her baby.
Warning signs that this might be you: You were the captain of your college field hockey team.

Know-it-all mom

Motto: It’s so interesting that you think that.
Characteristics: Given to bouts of lip-pursing and eyebrow-raising.
Can be found: Combing studies for statistical errata.
Warning signs that this might be you: You’re permanently banned from the American Academy of Pediatrics headquarters.

Hysterical mom

Motto: When will this end? Oh God, when?
Characteristics: Cries a lot, has food and bits of paper stuck in hair.
Can be found: Calling her mom.
Warning signs that this might be you: Baby’s first milestones are eye-rolling and playing world’s tiniest violin.

Reluctant mom

Motto: That baby’s here somewhere.
Characteristics: Calls baby “Dude”; doesn’t want to nurse, because hasn’t she done enough?
Can be found: Performing Google searches for “mother who doesn’t lose identity just because of some kid.”
Warning signs that this might be you: What’s your baby’s name? Quick! No looking at the birth certificate!

Young mom

Motto: We’re gonna be like sisters!
Characteristics: Calls husband “Daddy”; wears pigtails.
Can be found: Admiring taut, unblemished postpartum belly.
Warning signs that this might be you: Other mothers run from you.

Old mom

Motto: You’re as young as you feel, by gum!
Characteristics: Salt-and-pepper hair; calls husband “Paw.”
Can be found: Playing in a jug band.
Warning signs that this might be you: You’re having hot flashes at the playground.

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