Pregnancy in Other Countries

Sami woman with white reindeerDid you know? In other countries, women get pregnant and have babies. How they manage to conceive and bear children in these exotic lands, where the residents lack non-national healthcare as well as the basic resources needed to keep themselves parasite-free, is a mystery to us, because we’ve never visited. But we’re sure that their bright smiles and unnaturally positive attitudes help them to resist deadly waterborne diseases!

Here’s a glimpse into how these foreign devils propagate. Prepare to be amazed!

Country: France
Fascinating trivia: As evidenced from textbooks on French language, the French love going to libraries, meeting their friends in libraries, and asking where libraries are. They also adore eating bifteck et les frites.
Curious cultural beliefs: If you marry an American, your baby will be fat and bourgeois.
French women typically give birth while: Sitting upright at a cafe table, arguing with a waiter.

Country: Sweden
Fascinating trivia: The Swedes are a peace-loving, semi-nude people who enjoy outdoor sports (e.g. intercourse), the Lutheran church, and herring. If you confuse your Scandinavian countries, however, and accidentally call a Swede a Finn, s/he will beat you to death with an Allen wrench.
Curious cultural beliefs: If you give birth in an Ikea, your child will be an immortal.
Swedes typically give birth while: Building a bookcase.

Country: Canada
Fascinating trivia: Canadians are famous for their quirky sense of humor. Just ask Jon Stewart! We bet he knows plenty of Canadians.
Curious cultural beliefs: Due to the terrible, shaming taboo surrounding maternity clothes, Canadian women wrap themselves in multiple insulating layers before they will venture outside. They claim this is because of the “cold weather.” Canadians are notorious liars.
Canadians typically give birth while: Driving a Zamboni.

Country: Asia
Fascinating trivia: Asians are people who live in Asia. The capital of Asia is China.
Curious cultural beliefs: Pregnant Asia women have been to known to eat fish throughout their entire pregnancies. Some women even eat their fish uncooked, accompanied by rice and seaweed. They must believe this will give their babies magical aquatic powers.
Asians typically give birth while: Writing commemorative haikus to their Great Leader.

Things that will nauseate you...

...during your first trimester:

Dacron

Latest news

November 17, 2011: Let’s Panic and Clorox, part 2

This week we've got another Clorox-sponsored post for you, and it's so very clean! Funny but also clean! SO CLEAN YOU GUYS. Sorry, we've been breathing in some fumes. We won't say which kind. (Hint: the clean kind.) While we (literally) take a breather, why not sit back and... [read more]

Our Sponsors